


Jeden Rok

by Xerphena



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Pop Culture, Youtuber Jaskier | Dandelion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25523008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xerphena/pseuds/Xerphena
Summary: Recording a year's worth of content with Jaskier on top of his other tasks is daunting enough. Geralt isn’t entirely sure why he agreed, but he’s here now. Signed in for an entire year. At least hanging out with Jaskier isn’t awful, not that he’d tell him that.Making cheese with Jaskier, however, is awful.Jaskier is a semi-famous gaming and music youtuber. Geralt picks up odd jobs at various places. Yennefer dominates the makeup guru scene. It’s life.This is a modern youtuber AU. More specifically, this is an Unus Annus AU. Unus Annus belongs to Markiplier and Crankgameplays, and you can check out the videos here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIcgBZ9hEJxHv6r_jDYOMqg.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	Jeden Rok

**Jeden Rok**

**By:** Xerphena 

**unbetaed**

Geralt knows that meeting Jaskier at the pub was not, counter to the way it seemed, by chance. He looks over his shoulder at Triss who innocently wipes down the counter. She smiles at him and gestures at Jaskier as if to announce: _look who’s here_. Like she wasn’t the reason Jaskier knew Geralt was at the pub. 

The two talked. A lot. Geralt regrets introducing them, if he is completely honest. They got on well and liked to gossip about their mutual friend group. Geralt suspects Triss enjoys talking to someone about Yennefer who isn’t going to immediately turn around and blab to her. Not that Jaskier doesn’t like to gossip, he is just too afraid to do so with Yennefer himself. 

Jaskier slips into the otherside of the booth and flashes Geralt what one would call an award winning smile. The right side of his mouth quirks up just the slightest bit more than the left. The one, in this instance, is Jaskier. The conditional conjugation is for naught as he has called it such before. Geralt supposes that the statement, in some way, is true as Jaskier was once featured on the posters for his local dentist; A copy of that which—helpfully provided by Ciri who contacted one of Jaskier’s old childhood friends—is saved in the folder marked _Jaskier_ on Geralt’s desktop. 

Jaskier lounges in the booth with one leg pulled up beside him and his left arm leant against the table.

"Hey, Jaskier. Can I get you anything, or are you here for Geralt only?" Triss asks, coming to take his order. 

"I'm driving so sadly, no drinking for me," Jaskier says. "Oh, but could I get a chocolate milk?" 

"Sure thing. Should I start you a tab?" 

"Just add me into Geralt's, Triss!" Jaskier blows Geralt a kiss which he pretends to catch and throw away. 

“Geralt! What a surprise, just the man I wanted to see! Day drinking again. What is this?” Jaskier snags the glass Geralt had been nurturing. “Nice. What’s the occasion?” 

Geralt takes it back. "It is four in the afternoon. The occasion was a chance to relax. Alone.” He stares pointedly at Jaskier. 

Jaskier waves him off. “You must listen to my news, Geralt. I am beginning a new video series. Something exciting. Revolutionary. I need to tell someone about it."

“You have a great number of friends, last I checked.” Jaskier's videos frequently feature them either with multiplayer games or as guests on some ‘we have a water balloon fight’ nonsense.

“Yes, but many of them have channels of their own, and I do not want a copycat now do I? This must be kept on the downlow. A secret Geralt,” Jaskier whispers and casts a suspicious look at Triss who rolls her eyes. 

“Hmm.” Geralt watches as Jaskier’s whole body moves when he speaks. The exposed bulb lighting of the pub glints off Jaskier's rings as his hands move along with the words. The way that the faded band tee folds and creases so to make the design unrecognizable. 

“I have been thinking of doing a video everyday for an entire year. Well, posting a video everyday for an entire year. Something unique every video. Not my usual collection of quality content.” 

“Do you not already post everyday?” 

“On my gaming channel, yes. Once a week on my music channel, and once a month on my critique channel. This will be a new channel, Geralt. Like I said, I’m looking to try something new.” 

“What kind of videos?” Geralt hopes Jaskier doesn’t intend to start up one of those accursed ‘drama channels’ Lambert bashes all the time. While Lambert makes a career out of bashing various things, Geralt cannot help but agree with the notion with regards to those channels. 

“Well, that’s something I need help with. So, I thought to myself, who better to ask than my good friend Geralt?” Jaskier thanks Triss for his chocolate milk and takes a long sip from a bright pink reusable straw he pulls from his bag. 

Geralt sips at his beer. “Anyone else.” 

“Who doesn’t have a youtube channel?” Jaskier asks, smiling. 

Geralt inclines his head. “Yennefer would probably help you.” 

“Yennefer has a makeup channel.” 

“Barely. She’s mainly working on her company now. Are you doing makeup as your idea?” 

“Well, no.” Jaskier frowns. “Not that there's anything wrong with a man wearing makeup. I wear it everyday after all.” 

“Then I do not see the problem.” 

Jaskier sighs and slumps forward. “Well, I must announce. I am afraid of her, Geralt. She intimidates me. Also, I fear that she would not help me. She is not particularly fond of me.” He whips out his phone. “Look she has not responded to the last meme I sent her. She left me on read. On read!” His phone shows him sending her a picture of some small child wearing poorly done makeup with the follow up message of ‘dis u?’.

Geralt finishes his beer. “What do you need from me then?” 

“Just a couple hours of your time, then you can go back to being a grumpy wumpy. I’ll even buy you supper. From that Polish place you like.”

“Buy something for Ciri too, Yen is dropping her off in a few hours.” 

Jaskier gasps. “And you’re drinking?! Dear God man, think of the children! Child I suppose.” 

“One beer, Jaskier. One.” 

“One leads to two, and two leads to unmentionable acts of debauchery.” 

“That is rich, from you. The ragamuffin idea was you, Jask. And Yen.” 

Jaskier waves him off. “I will buy something for the lovely Ciri as well. We need to pop by the tailor quickly before heading back. We need suits.” 

“We need suits?” 

Jaskier hesitates as a brief moment of panic crosses his face.“Uh, well. I need a suit, but there is a sale on suits so I figured you could buy one. Shani is graduating soon, you'll need something nice to wear to the ceremony.” 

“Who said I was going?” 

Triss, who had walked over to take away Geralt’s drink and hand him his tab, pipes up. “You dated her in first-year. Well, dated is a strong word. But, still, it would only be polite if you attended.” 

Geralt sighs and tosses down a couple of bills. “Let’s get going then.” 

“Wonderful, did you walk here or take the bike?” 

“Walked.” 

“Amazing! Spectacular! Catch you later Triss!” 

She waves at him. “Geralt. You’re good to work tomorrow night right? Coen can’t take the hours.” Geralt nods. “Great. I’ll see you then.”

Jaskier’s car is a cobalt Volkswagen Golf. The small size makes for a decidedly unpleasant ride for Geralt. The passenger seat’s, which was pulled forward by Ciri and got stuck, position meant that his legs are cramped and uncomfortable. The ride to the tailors is blessedly short, and Jaskier finds a spot quickly. 

Upon entering, Jaskier finds a display of suits and peruses them until an attendant comes to help. “My friend here would probably look best in the black, I think. Geralt? Do you prefer the black or the white suit?” Jaskier stood with most of his weight on his right leg while the same hand examined the lining of a Black suit. The attendant, an admittedly very attractive woman, looked on with a certain degree of exasperation. 

Geralt, who had been perusing black thermal socks, looks at the suits in question. “The white would clash with my hair.” 

“I have to agree. So Black suit it is then for the man. White for me. Uh, I have the measurements for both of us here,” Jaskier says, pulls out his phone and opens the notes app. 

Geralt looks at him in confusion. “How do you know my size? You didn’t measure me earlier.” 

Jaskier ignores the question and presents the phone to the attendant who jots them down in a small notebook. “I’ll be paying for the both of us as well, just give the man his own receipt.” He grabs a few novelty socks from the front display (one set is covered in little cartoon cups of teas, one with some cartoon violins, and the final with _Spongebob_ ) and tosses them in with his order. 

“I don’t need your charity--” Geralt starts. 

“He can pay me back later if he feels so inclined.” Jaskier laughs and flips his hair out of his face. 

“How do you know my size, Jaskier?” 

“Well, I uh measured you while you slept at my house once. When you came over because Eskel was setting up your surprise birthday party you pretended not to know about.”

“I--why?” 

Jaskier laughs and waves his hand. 

The suit comes out to a very reasonable cost, and the clerk wrote her number on the back of his receipt. Geralt decides to count it as a win. 

“To Pierogi Petes. The Palace of Polish sweets!” Jaskier says, mainly to himself, as they climb back into the car. Geralt opens his phone to find a message from Vesemir. 

_Vesemir: Work Monday-Wednesday._

_Open to close._

_Lambert will be there._

_Me: Am I opening?_

_Vesemir: Lambert can wake up early._

_Me: k_

Pierogi Pete’s is a local establishment which managed to open three franchised locations spanning Victoria to Vancouver. The place serves more than just pierogies despite the name and sports an assortment of “Polish” food which would make any self respecting _Babcia_ sob. Geralt, however, has no such qualms considering Vesemir cares not for the food his ward eats and certainly supports the goal of eating cheap. Pierogi Pete’s looks like it came right out of the 50s, a checker tiled building with a large plastic sign cheerfully sporting the name in a bubble lettered font. The inside is little better. There are these cheap metal tables with speckled white tops and mounted stools with brightly coloured cracked vinyl seats. 

Jaskier pulls into the drive thru. “What do you want?” 

“The number seven with a double side of kielbasa. Extra sour cream. Get Ciri the number one no pickles.” 

“Cool.” 

Jaskier gets to the speaker and is prompted to give his order. “Hello. Uh yes. Could I get the number seven no pickles, and the number one with err a double kielbasa.” 

“It was the number seven with the kielbasa and the one with no pickles,” Geralt says, annoyed. 

“Oh, yes. Sorry. Could you make that a number seven with a double side of kielbasa and extra sour cream. Then a number one with no pickles. And could I also get the--uhhh.” Jaskier pauses and looks at the sign with a great deal of concentration. 

Geralt glances in the side mirror. “There’s a line, Jaskier.” 

“One second, Geralt. What would you recommend?”

“Just choose something Jaskier. Please.” 

“Fine, fine. Yeah could I get a, err. Sorry. Uh, yeah you know what could you give me a number 3 with no tomato and no olives. Go light on the lettuce with that too. Also could you add a side of pierogi poppers to that. Do you want something to drink, Geralt?” 

“There is a line, Jaskier--” 

“Yes, I know. But do you or Ciri want anything to drink?” Jaskier pulls out his phone and opens _Apple Pay._

“Just get me a _Dr. Pepper_ and Ciri a _Sprite_ ,” Geralt bites out. 

“Sure thing. Okay, so one _Dr. Pepper_ and one _Sprite._ Can I get a uhhh--Fresca. Yeah. Oh and you know what, get rid of the number three and replace it with a number six with the same substitutions if you would.” 

“Oh my God.” Geralt throws his hands up and looks out the window. 

Jaskier nods as the server gives him the price and tells him to go up to the next window. “Yep. Alright. Thank you!” He drives forward. “Now was that so hard?” 

Geralt refuses to look at him and continues to gaze out the window. His phone flashes with another message. Still with his back to Jaskier, who almost drops his phone while paying, he checks the messages. 

_Yen: Ciri and I are grabbing ice cream. I’ll drop her off when we finish. Do you want me to bring you something?_

_We’re going to the place up on Heathcote._

_Me: With Jask._

_Drop Ciri off at his apartment._

_Please._

_Could I get Blueberry Iceberg?_

_Tell Ciri I got her Pierogi’s Pete_

_Yen: I’m not getting anything for Jaskier_

_Me: Kk._

_Then don’t get me anything._

_Yen: simp._

_Me: ?_

Jaskier tosses the food into Geralt’s lap. “What’s up?” He leaves the drive thru and merges back into traffic. 

“Yen is going to drop Ciri off at your apartment.”

Jaskier turns on cruise control while they head down the freeway. “No problem. She knows Paul.” 

Geralt nods and reaches into the food bag to pull out an onion ring. Jaskier drums his fingers on the wheel as he drives. He reaches over and turns up the volume on the speaker. “Geralt hey open my uh, open my _Spotify._ Turn on ‘Car tunes for the car.’” 

“Hmm.” Geralt puts in Jaskier’s password and realizes that a picture of himself is the background. It’s a gym selfie he sent Jaskier a few months ago when he had just started a new routine. He is not smiling in the picture, but his hair is down, and he has a contented look in his eyes. In the background of the image you can just barely make out Ciri falling off a yoga ball. The photo is simply captioned: ‘Good workout.’ Geralt knew that Jaskier had screenshotted the Snap as he does with all of them but hadn’t been aware he had set it as his background. He didn’t mention it and opened the playlist. An instrumental version of _Cooler Than Me_ plays. 

Jaskier starts to sing along: 

_“If I could write you a song to make you fall in love_

_I would already have you up under my arm_

_I used up all my tricks, I hope that you like this_

_But, you probably won't, you think you're cooler than me_

_You got designer shades just to hide your face_

_And you wear 'em around like you're cooler than me_

_And you never say hey, or remember my name_

_And it's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me”_

He turns to Geralt. “Hey, I should do a Vlog. Open my video.” 

“No.”

“Come on now, people love videos with us together,” He says with a laugh and hums the next section moving his hands in rhythm. 

“No.” 

“Give me my phone.” Jaskier grasps for his phone. Driving with his elbows, Jaskier unlocks his phone. 

“You are driving, Jask!” Geralt grabs the side of the steering wheel and jerks it to the right to realign them back in the lane. “How did you get a license?” 

“Honestly? My driving instructor thought I was cute.” 

Geralt scoffs. “You’re lying.” 

“Nope. I have never successfully parallel parked.” 

Jaskier looks at his phone and sees his background. Geralt watches as his eyes widen minutely. “Okay. Video.” He smiles. “Sup guys. I’m here with everyone’s favourite grump. Geralt. We are heading back to my place to plan for a very special video. Coming soon! Anything to say Geralt.” 

“Eyes on the road.” 

Jaskier pulls into the underground parking with no concern for hitting a column. Geralt’s side is a little too close to the wall so he has to scoot his way out, but Jaskier holds the food bags while he does so. They take the poorly-lit stairs up to the lobby. Geralt wrinkles his nose at the smell of the staircase. 

Ciri stares directly at her phone, a headphone in one ear when they walk into the lobby. Paul, the front doorman, watches over her shoulder as she describes the methods to winning a _Revue Starlight_ match. “It is important to make sure your team is balanced. Choose the right elements. Climax revues at the right time.” 

“How is my little Ciri?” Jaskier yells as he runs towards her bag of food clutched in one hand. 

“I’m good. I like your shirt. Hey, Parental Guardian.”

“We got Pete’s for dinner,” Geralt deadpans. 

“You get me the mac and cheese pierogies?” 

“Yes.” 

“No pickles?”

“Yes.” 

She nods and pockets her phone. “Bye Mr. Blart.” 

The doorman rolls his eyes and waves goodbye to her. “Not my name.” 

“Paul.” Geralt says kindly and earns himself a nod. Jaskier also calls the man ‘Mr.Blart’ on passing but earns a vulgar gesture in response. 

Jaskier’s apartment building used to be a luxury hotel settled into the downtown core. As Geralt walks in through the front door he is greeted by the scent of incense. Something earthy and strong which permeates the place and settles deep. It’s the same smell which hangs off Jaskier. A smell which Geralt gets a whiff of when Jaskier moves in his direction or places a hand on his forearm. The place is decorated primarily with a deep aubergine purple. Geralt remembers when Jaskier dragged him to the furniture store and demanded his aid in deciding which pieces would go best in his house. Jaskier asks Geralt to grab him his phone charger. Clothes are strewn across the floor as if he’d dressed in a hurry. Geralt grabs the man's charger. 

They eat on the floor of Jaskier’s living room. Well, Jaskier and Ciri do as the pair play _Love Live_ on their phones. Geralt tries to tell Ciri not to play while eating, but she refutes by saying she is trying to tier in this event. Geralt has no idea what that means, but from Ciri’s tone this ‘Event Dia UR’ is important. Jaskier backs her up on this. 

After dinner, Ciri asks if she can play on Jaskier’s _Playstation_ , and he lets her into his recording studio. Geralt rests on the couch scanning the pages of one of Jaskier’s musical books as Jaskier plays some song from a video game Geralt doesn’t recognize on his keyboard. 

“Did you watch my playthrough of _House Party_?” Jaskier asks as he switches to a new song. 

“No.” Geralt says. It’s not technically a lie. He had watched the videos until Jaskier decided to replay the game with the _Game Grumps_ update. He hadn’t understood any of the references and decided it really wasn’t worth his time. 

“Well. I did a skit with you for it. Remember? We were at the gym and I asked you to say Frank’s line. The ‘how’s it going dudes.’” Jaskier pronounces this last bit weird, and Geralt looks up at him. “Well you were at the gym, and I visited. After my yoga class.”

“You posted that?” 

“Yeah, on my last video in the playlist. Anyways, that doesn’t matter. What does matter is everyone said that we should do more videos together.” 

Geralt did not like where this was going. “No.” 

Jaskier stands up from his keyboard and goes to sit next to Geralt, both of his legs up on the couch beneath him. “Okay. But listen to my idea. You know Memento Mori, right?”

“I know of it.”

“Okay. So here is my idea. I would make a video for every day of the year and post one a day. Something unique every time. Then, at the end of the year, delete them all.” Jaskier waves his hands to emphasise this point. 

“You’re really stretching the definition of Memento Mori.” 

“Okay, well yes. But the… essence is still there. Listen, Geralt I think the videos would do really well.” 

“Hmm.” 

“I just need… a co-host. Someone to do the videos with me.” 

“No.” 

“Just, Geralt, at least hear the idea out yeah?” 

Geralt sighs. “No.”

\----

“Time is running out,” Jaskier says in an emotionless voice staring into the camera. 

“Memento Mori,” Geralt follows trying very hard not to tug at the collar of his shirt. 

“Jeden Rok,” they say together. Jaskier reaches forward and turns off the camera. 

“So, we need to make up ideas, but I do have an idea for our first video.” 

“What?” Geralt asks unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Want to go buy sex toys with me?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. I got this idea while watching Unus Annus with a friend. Just some really quick disclaimers: I DO NOT ship Mark and Ethan. Pls do not assume I do so. Secondly, Unus Annus belongs to Mark and Ethan and can be watched here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIcgBZ9hEJxHv6r_jDYOMqg. If you are reading this fic after November 15th 2020, this channel has been deleted, and this fic may not make a tonne of sense However, I intend to integrate the Unus Annus elements directly into the narrative, so it should still be coherent.


End file.
